This guest post comes from author Sylvia Lafair. Read more about Sylvia on her websites www.sylvialafair.com and www.ceooptions.com.
The Price of Authenticity
Back in the day of movie moguls Samuel Goldwyn, head of MGM, was known to say “I don’t want any “yes-men” around me; I want everybody to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs”.
That was decades ago and yet, many organizations that consider themselves contemporary with “open door policies” still send out that same double-bind message; whether you agree or disagree, you lose!
This no-win mentality shuts down real and honest dialogue and innovation sits like a sad pup waiting to be noticed.
Let’s face it. We all learned to be careful early in our years. By the time we were three and said to Aunt Sarah “Your hair looks funny” and got that stern reprimand and request to apologize it became clear “better safe than sorry”.
Ever tell your best friend they needed to shed some pounds? The thank you is usually connected to a frozen smile and a nod of the head. How about the meeting you led and your favorite colleague told you it was on the boring side? What kind of “thanks” did you give the messenger of that deadly statement?
There are fortunately four major ground rules for setting up an environment where truth can thrive and foster both personal positive growth as well as creative collaboration for the team.
- Treat truth telling as a precise art form. Truth telling resembles a martial art in that it takes tremendous discipline; it’s not just a punch here or a jab there. Telling the truth is NOT spilling your guts! Nor is truth telling a popularity contest where you gather votes for your side. Truth sentences are not about that mysterious other, they contain a vast amount of “I” statements. After all it is YOUR truth you are telling. Not to worry; practice makes perfect.
- Make sure that work is not a rehab facility. You can offer to give others your suggestions, but then you need to back off. Often there is such a strong desire to help people grow and change that your truth-telling becomes overkill. Each of us can only take so many adjustments to our behavior before we need to either shut down or lash out.
- Listen for emotion and repetition. You can check to see if there is truth in the room by checking your own physical responses that monitor your emotions. If you feel your gut area tighten, pay attention; if your heart begins to race, pay attention; if you feel queasy, uneasy, or conflicted, pay attention. Continually ask yourself what real truth you are expressing and experiencing as a conversation develops.
- Be open to outcome, not attached to it. Being clear and decisive does not in any way keep you from changing your perspective and following a new direction. Being authentic is applauded more for being able to factor in new information and turn the wheel in a better direction at any given moment than staying with statements just because you made them.
The deeper message about authenticity, the kind that is admired and modeled, considers the timing of truth statements. This is one of the most important aspects of leadership development and knowing when to speak out and when to stay quiet is authenticity in action.
Don't Bring It to Work reviewed on Time.com
A review of Don't Bring It to Work by Sylvia Lafair ran on Time.com: Why Your Co-Workers Act Like Children By Anne Fisher Is your boss a bully who needs to feel important and boosts his ego by withholding important information from you? Or maybe you work with someone who is so fearful of [...]Read more
